Here’s is my first NFT offering, the first person to offer me ONE MILLION SPOUNDS receives the PNG file. I promise I haven’t copied it much. And pngs are un-copyable anyway.
Also, there’s no NFT as I cba. It’s yours in Zuck’s EvilCloud FOREVER.
At the minute, this is a bare list. If I ever have time, I’ll flesh it out with them new-fangled hyperlinks and maybe an under construction gif.
Ladies and genitals:
BEST TV EVER LIST 2021
Tom, the head honcho, was at work and told me the whole business is moving out of town.
I felt quite sad, don’t know why. They’re not closing, just re-locating.
I guess it’s because it feels like another nail in the coffin of Derby’s city centre shopping/dining culture.
BUT it’s not shutting… just moving! STAY POSITIVE!
Although I’ve known her for years from Mosh and other Derby nightlife escapades, this is the first shoot we’ve ever done.
She’s a natural, the photosession just powered by, looking forward to working with her again.
Is there anything funnier than the petulant pettiness of pet rockstars? I watched this earlier:
After I finished giggling at two grown men essentially saying the other smelt of pooh, I pondered something I’ve thought for years.
Why isn’t there a Viz strip about Billy Corgan?
In particular, I always thought there should have been a Viz strip called BILLY CORGAN AND HIS MASSIVE ORGAN.
it would be Billy in various inappropriate situations saying, “I’m GONNA WHIP MY MASSIVE ORGAN OUT!”
And then the next panel would be him sat at a huge church organ and everyone being relieved / disappointed.
Will someone, anyone, make my dreams come true?
… the sea of muddy kids in the crowd, a sea in movement as well as density. So many humans, packed into a small space together, bobbing around every which way. Shit-eating grins, sodden jumpers.
And not one phone in sight.
Don’t worry, this isn’t some Back To The Land, Look Up-type post, entreating that we should all abandon our tech, wear waistcoats made out of rabbit skin and change our names to Oliver and Jeremy.
I love technology. To a large degree, I am technology, if you factor in the various systems that interweave with my life, like vaccines and Wikipedia, that produce a human utterly unlike any human three hundred years ago.
Also, I’m not saying those kids would eschew waving their mobiles around if they’d had the chance to have modern tech back then. They would have loved smartphones as much as we do now. As much as I do since I was a kid back then.
But the lack of opportunity forced those audiences to be totally in the moment. They’re watching the band play with their own eyes, not looking at a tiny screen and trying to figure out how best to frame the action.
Contrast that with a modern gig which is most often a forest of hands held up not in tribute but in video capture. The audience are not in the NOW of the gig because they are too concerned with the FUTURE video/pics of the gig. They have become atemporal.
This moment, this instant you’re reading these words will never happen again. It’s here, it’s gone. Poof!
Did you make the most of it? DID YOU TAKE A PIC? FOR GOD’S SAKE, WHERE IS THE PIC??
If the now you inhabit is merely a film set on which you construct media for a future audience to consume, that leaches meaning from that now.
You’re at a gig, you think, ‘This is brilliant, I need to take some video, show off how great it is.’ The instant you get your phone out and start taking video, you ruin the gig for yourself as you’re not actually immersed in the gig anymore, you’re immersed in getting the footage. And when you re-watch the gig footage or see how many likes you’ve got, does that give you the feelings back that it destroyed in manufacture? Of course it doesn’t.
Now, obviously, there are exceptions; wedding photos, a five-second video of your child’s first step. I’m not saying any vid or pic is a gateway to atemporal dysthymia. Like everything, there’s a spectrum here.
But if you look around, you’ll see atemporality draining the mana of the instant in many different areas of your life. As a musician, I sit staring at a digital audio workstation screen on my Mac. This contains a piano-roll type display of my song such that I can see what parts are coming when, what’s playing now and what’s played in the past. The temptation here is to listen atemporally, to not listen at all but look-listen.
If I switch my monitor off, I am back in the instant of the music, in the NOW. That break that I thought was cool is actually kind of weak, it just looked good.
Of course, we can drift into atemporality all by ourselves, no tech needed. We can lie in bed obsessing about past conversations and how they should have gone. We can sabotage relationship after relationship in the hope that we’ll meet the perfect paramour just the day after tomorrow. We can imprison ourselves by worrying what might happen if we are bold when, rationally, we know we are perfectly safe.
However, today’s tech is both fidget spinner and magic mirror. At the party, when we’re awkward, we can pretend to check our phone. Or we can take a picture that will hopefully provide later validation of our cuteness/craziness. All of this is a distraction from the now, a small destruction of the now.
Enbies, ladies and gentlemans, I present to you
Mishra’s Ironic Inverse Presence Law:
The more pictures or vids you take at an event, the more you weren’t truly there.Source: Me, just now
Imagine this: you’re with someone you’ve fancied for a while. They’re close to you. Their hand brushes your shoulder, your face. You smile at them and gaze into their eyes. They get closer. Their mouth is nearly brushing yours, you can feel the heat from their lips….
AND YOU STOP AND SAY – ‘Hold up, dawg, I just want to get a picture of our first ever kiss!’ Then you spend five minutes staging and posing until you get something that looks “real.”
I repeat, I am not saying throw your phones away, bring back the carrier pigeon.
All I’m saying is that sometimes it’s better to make memories than make TikToks.
I saw some familiar round shapes on one of my windows and thought, ‘Oh, there must be a little nest or something.’ Came downstairs, looked at my patio windows and… loads of ladybirds!
I don’t know why they all came out at one go, I’ve never seen that happen before. Is this another climate change thing?
Here’s some pics of the beautiful critters anyway, enjoy!
(No flying ant day this year, I must have missed it. But this is pretty close!)
This Tory councillor is a Nazi, an actual fascist.
But you won’t hear about it on the TV and radio 24/7 like the campaign against Corbyn that the Guardian and their Blairite friends orchestrated.
Funny that, eh?
I only know about Telex cos my mate who worked at WH Smiths with me lent me their album ‘Birds And Bees’ (called ‘Sex’ everywhere else, apparently).
I fell in love with the mystery of the band and of this album, which sounds like a synthpop soundtrack for a film noir. The production stands up now, forty years after it was made. It remains one of my favourite ever albums. I didn’t even know then it was a collaboration with the equally awesome Sparks.
I’m gonna rip off the Telex sound as much as is humanly possible.
Come and get me, coppers! NYAH!