When We Have Our Revolution

When we have our revolution, it’s gonna be very British, as much as Russia’s was Russian.

We’re gonna pack sandwiches, some crisps and maybe a thermos of oversweet, milky tea.

Tiny, fiddly cup on the top.

People will have sensible shoes on and some will carry one of those weird little packets of tissues?

Those people, the people who have the foresight to buy tiny packets of tissues, they will be the vanguard of the proletariat.

It’s obvious.

We can make Buckingham Palace into the poshest tearoom ever, once we’ve kicked the current tenants out.

When we have our revolution, we will nationalise everything.

We will nationalise oil and water, dogs and cats, day and night.


We will re-beige the newly-resurrected British Rail as we gently exile its former mismanagers, pickpockets and assorted free-market hookworms.

We will make the ex-heads of the water companies sit in baths full of pooh which is only fair as it’s what they’ve been doing to us for decades.

When they complain, we will huffily detail how much we invest each year and how dare they complain about the pooh.

When we have our revolution we will stop the war and start the peace.

We will forget all the isms that we were taught by capital.

We will be free.

I do hope it’s soon.