It’s 3028.

You lie in a puddle just over 4km in diameter, photosynthesizing. The photons taste like tiny buffalo wings as your greedy chloroplasts worf them down.

A gentle summer shower starts; it’s your 65,536 lovers arriving to fertilise your gaping stomata. The bliss envelopes you all and, inevitably, some of you releases tiny babies in the form of homunculi 236 nanometres long. Goodbye, Children, wave me when you have Minds!

As your family lie in a happy heap around, in and through you, you absorb all pre-existing human media in just under a tenth of a second. That was good but you’re still peckish.

So, you live the life of every baseline human who ever lived, simulating their wildly, ridiculously tiny lives in just eight of your nineteen thumbs. Then you burp. It smells strongly of cyclohexane and Ribena.

Your half-sister waves from orbit. You wave back.

Linguistics Again

Hmmm… I think British English wins here because we say ‘crush’ too but it means far more than fancying. It’s kind of an old-fashioned word here (I never hear anyone under 40 say it) but ‘crush’ denotes a chronic infatuation rather than just thinking someone is fit. Fancy can be exactly like the old-timey thing of ‘a passing fancy’ whereas ‘crush’ is more serious.

In posh female circles decades ago, the word ‘pash’ (as in abbreviation of passion) was used instead of ‘crush’ and it nearly always meant a lesbian fancying, it was a cute term. Don’t hear it much now. It’s the kind of thing Diana Rigg would say. 😛

This reminds me of the current stages of sexual pair-bonding. In the East Midlands of England where I live, this currently goes:

* shagging / fucking / sleeping with someone

* seeing someone

* going out with someone

The first two phases are assumed to be non-exclusive whereas the last is commonly assumed to be the establishment of heteronormative monogamy (even in non-het relationships).

This is all fascinating! Thanks for answering my question, @sadabeuk and @iheartvelma !