Class Hatred

I feel I’m drifting towards ulta-left unreasoning class hatred. The latest news about May cutting school meals for poor kids – how can someone be so utterly fucking evil? These are the kids at the very bottom of society. Often, their school dinner may be the one proper meal they have a day.

And the Tories… they hold these kids in utter contempt.

You’re meant to drift rightwards as you age but the older I get, the more amazed I am at the sheer fuckery of Tories and Republicans, the total, open *evil* they seem proud to espouse.

But I’m a Marxist, a scientific socialist. Marxists are the Vulcans of the socialist / communist world. We aren’t terrorists (kill one Tory, another just steps in to replace them, no change), we aren’t utopians (please, Mr. Branson, do the right thing and nationalise yourself, ta!) and we most definitely aren’t reformists.

We have the work of Marx, Engels, Lenin and Trotsky to draw upon as well as their numerous contemporaries and successors. We have a core understanding of how society works that is now shared by most humans ~ whether they admit it or not, most humans alive believe their place in the world is more determined by their material conditions than spiritual pre-disposition. The globalisation of capitalism has forced that unpleasant truth on them.

I’m gonna take my anger and put it into more serious political work. I obviously need to read more, raise my theoretical level as well as engage in discourse with opponents who aren’t 17yo Meninist fuckwads that haven’t even read one page of actual politics.

The fucking Tories. They have to go. We have to vote those motherfuckers out.


Isn’t it crazy how many of us are lonely?

Not just occasionally, a bit in-need-of-company, at-a-loose-end kind of lonely but deep, existential loneliness.

I had an old friend round a while ago. I actually had to ask him if some of my memories of my first girlfriend were true. They’re so long ago and I’ve remembered them so many times, they don’t feel real to me any more, it feels more like remembering a film I’ve watched rather than my own life. But, no, he confirmed I hadn’t gone full-on Ben Gunn, she did exist and all that crazy shit did, in fact, happen. Also, she was as beautiful as I remember. Go me!

Loneliness is insidious. I’ve been single for nine years now, the longest in my adult life. The only way I cope is to treat the loneliness like a monster in the corner of my room; I don’t look at it, I pretend it’s not there and in return it doesn’t claw me to death.

Mostly, this deal works. I can get on with pretending to be an adult (which… shh… is what every adult does, kids) and I’m not screaming inside for more than an hour or two a day. That gives me enough time to do my tax stuff, run my label, write songs, buy synths I don’t need from eBay. Last week, I even managed to exercise without drifting off into blue funks of reverie. I know!

Other days… well, I look in the corner.

And before I know it, I’m swamped with memories of being loved and cared for, of spooning someone in bed, of the house not being half-empty as it has been for years now. There is nothing as beautiful as the improvised little tunes your wife sings absentmindedly as she potters around the house. Nothing in the entire universe.

Today is a bad day. Today, I could really do with hugs and comforting and feeling at least not ugly for a while. But, this being real life, that’s not going to happen. Like all of us who are profoundly lonely, I’ll just have to grit my teeth and get through another day as best I can.

If you’re reading this and identify with the feeling, please know that, ironically, you aren’t alone in your loneliness. You aren’t weird or bizarre or defective. Millions of humans feel like you do.

On Racists And Sea Lions

The ignorance of some white people just staggers me. If anyone raises racism or cultural appropriation, they immediately flip into full-on sea lion mode or, even worse, into dismissive troll mode.

Here’s how I see it:

Imagine I’m in a public space, say waiting in line at a cafe. Someone prods me and says, “Ow! You’re standing on my foot!” Well, the first thing I do is move / check my feet before apologising for being so careless. And, from then on, I’m more mindful of where I stand.

HOWEVER if I acted like white people do on Facebook…

I’m in line. Someone prods me and says “Ow! You’re standing on my foot!” I don’t check if I am, I ask them how they know it’s my foot. I ask them to explain what the words “foot” and “standing” mean, aggressively, again and again. If they link me to explanations, I ignore them and then demand definitions of words like “my” or “you.” Or, I might just laugh in their face and say, “HAH! TOUGH SHIT! SHOULDN’T HAVE PUT YOUR PUT THERE! HAVE I ‘TRIGGERED’ YOU, SNOWKFLAKE?” I tell them to ‘grow a pair,’ and that it’s not my fault if I’m causing them pain, it’s all in their heads and that they have a ‘victim complex.’

Do you see the difference?

Look, I’m a cis, straight man. I hold considerable privilege in areas of gender and sexuality. I am prejudiced, I am sexist because that’s the culture I’ve been raised in. BUT I try not to be. If I ever offend someone, I feel awful and try to understand the mistake I made. Because I know it will probably be my fault and lack of perspective behind it all.

Is it that fucking hard to just be a decent human being, ffs?

The Last Ever Episode Of Grimm

I watched the first ever episode of Grimm.

And just now I watched the last ever ep.

I feel soo sad now that I’ll never experience new eps of this universe again, the same as I feel about Falling Skies, Continuum, Warehouse 13, Eureka, Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles, Dollhouse and sooo many more.

On the one hand, I’m glad we got more than Firefly or Caprica. On the other, I still think there are great stories to be told in the Grimmverse. It was such a cleverly written and plotted series and the ensemble of actors rolled with it, made it all seem real.

Grimm was always tight and snappy, never bloated and labouring, a rare joy in these days of rampant Netflixitis. We had arcs in seasons, across seasons, characters going from bad to good, good to bad; I loved all that unpredictability.

Above all, Grimm had this finely-honed humour that even when the darkest shit would be going on, someone would pop up (maybe Wu, maybe Hank, often Monroe, bless him) and say something to give it a twist. Which made it all more believable! Life isn’t un-relenting horror, even in the most horrible moments, incongrous, ridiculous things leap out and slap you in the face. The Absurd is a good friend of Death.

Thank you to all the actors of Grimm for giving me a whole set of people to love and hate and cheer and chide. Thank you to the writers for making up sooo many awesome Monster Of The Week stories *and* extending the universe with the myth of the Grimms, Wesen et al. Thank you to all the crew and tech peeps and animators and sound fx and grips and whoever else made it all happen.

Give yourself a pat on the back when you look at what you made. You made something special that entertained and connected with millions of viewers.

We love you, Grimm!

When Is A Terrorist Not A Terrorist? When He’s White!

A man has been found guilty of trying to cause “maximum damage” by making a bomb filled with ball bearings and leaving it on a Tube train.

Damon Smith put his homemade device into a rucksack and left it on a Jubilee line train in October.

The 20-year-old had admitted perpetrating a bomb hoax but claimed it was a prank.

Had it worked, the bomb would have exploded just as commuters were leaving the North Greenwich station platform.

And in today’s white privilege news…

White man builds bomb filled with shrapnel, designed to cause maximum damage.


This isn’t terrorism. Nope. Not in any way. Even though he deliberately set out to cause terror by killing and maiming as many civilians as possible.

If he had been brown:

We would not know his mental history.

We would not be calling this a prank.

We would be calling this a terrorist plot.