So, I’ve slept for a million hours since all the hospital stuff last week…
…but I still feel so emotionally drained, just shattered.
It’s made my usual loneliness crystallise into spikes, poking at me whichever way I turn. Rationally, I realise it’s just my normal sex drive, coming at me another way. This immense, overwhelming desire to be with someone, to be part of a couple again is so unreasonable, so needy, so useless.
And yet, I know it would help. I just want to be able to come back from hospital and have someone there who cares, who will hug me and kiss me and lie to me that everything will be okay. As if they have an iota of power over the uncaring whims of the universe.
Having had that kind of person in my life before, I know exactly what I’m missing. So, in this sense at least, it’s better to have never loved at all.