The Last Time You Said You Loved Me

Emowalking, missing you again.

I’m sitting in the university canteen
Waiting for Tom, who’s missed his bus
And I’m thinking about the last time you said you loved me.

We were driving and it was sunny
I’d been singing along to something
Probably braking on the harmonies.

There was a pause, a breath held
Just the rumble of the road
And the fluttering of sunlight through trees
It can’t have been more than a few seconds
When you chose to say:

“I love you.”

It was out of nowhere
I hadn’t said it first
We hadn’t been having “a moment”
Like they do in The Notebook
Or Twilight or Titanic
All those films people watch
To remind themselves what they’re missing
Have never had
Will never have

But this was real.

I looked at you the second after you said it
And your eyes met mine
Wide open,
Full of love,
Disarmed and disarming,
Startlingly new.
I guess, actually, that was “a moment”
Right there.

I haven’t heard those words for years
I miss them as I miss you
Even though you’re still here.
Sometimes, I hear echoes of them
But you’re acting now

It isn’t real.

Obviously, I didn’t know that would be
The last time you said you loved me
I thought we’d cry and touch forever
Or at least till I died

But you’ve put all that silliness away
It never happened
Never happened.
And when I remind you of how we were
You get angry and snappy

So I don’t.