Last September, I started to go a bit mental. Well, a bit more mental than usual. It was probably the delayed reaction from my divorce coming through earlier that year.
I found it increasingly difficult to spend time in the house on my own. This was avoidable during the day: I’d go into town and mooch around with my laptop, often getting more work done than if I’d stayed at home, chewing the curtains.
But if my friends were busy at night, staying in the house alone started to make me feel strange. It was like a lesser version of when my wife first left and I had to get mates to sleep over as I was panicky and felt like my head was going to explode.
One night, I was literally pacing round the ground floor of my house and then couldn’t take it anymore.
So, I left the house and just started walking.
This may not seem a big deal but to put it into context, I’m not keen on exercise. As a lifelong fat bloke, it’d be fair to say I’ve rather keenly avoided it.
But that night, I knew I couldn’t stay in, I felt like screaming. So I walked.
Eventually, around an hour later, I thought I should probably start heading home. I’d wandered all round where I live, kind of getting lost but ending up somewhere quite pretty. The lights of the city were twinkling over the valley. Then I realised that I didn’t feel so crazy. My sadness was still there but it seemed muted and less… emo. I wasn’t consumed and terrified by it, it was just there. Being a geeky type, I knew that it was probably the exercise releasing endogenous opioids that made me feel that way. But fuckit, who cares, as long as it works.
So, my emowalks were born.
Since then, I’ve done one or maybe two of these emowalks a day, schedule permitting. And, hey presto, I’ve lost over three stone in weight without radically changing my diet. In the three previous years of gym / weights six days a week, that’s not happened. So, +100 for emowalking!
Often, when I go out walking now, I’m actually feeling quite chirpy and looking forward to it so calling it an ’emowalk’ is perhaps a little inaccurate.
But the last few weeks, shit has been weird and my emowalks have definitely been helping settle my mind again. I have to push myself harder, walk further to get the same effect but that’s no bad thing.
If you’re a lifelong fatty like me or just need to clear your head and feel calmer, give it a go. I’d say do no less than an hour and walk at a pace that actually makes you breathless and leaves you a bit sweaty or you’ll just be walking rather than emowalking. But, hey, tweak it how you like! And you may see strange things on your walks, like this:
Have fun! Oooh, and take some pics while you’re doing it, like I do: Emowalk Gallery.