Thorntons’ Treats

Amidst all the fake-lefty caterwauling and whining about the Westfield, the complainers seem to have missed one fact.

We now have a Thorntons Cafe!

Yes, THORNTONS! Yet another evil multinational megacorp, cackling and planning world choccy domination from… er… Alfreton. Derbyshire.

Can you not see how their perfidy is growing, homogenising the choc world?? Why, in only a mere 96 years, they’ve spread from their birthplace in Sheffield all the way to Westfield, Derby. That’s over forty miles!

And look what corporate toxins they throw in our faces:

It makes me SICK! I’m going to boycott the Westfield from now and instead go up the lovely, rustic end of town. You know, where Walkabout and Bet Fred are. It’s lovely round there, so charming and quaint!

But click here if you want to be nauseated by more Westfield mass culture! YOU CONSUMERIST SHEEP! BAAAAAA!


This just in from grumpy Mascot Fight bloke, Sean:


not to be pedantic or anything, but in your thorntons rant you said they’d gone from sheffield to as far as derby. however, i would like to refer you to my comment in the last few weeks that thorntons ‘has been in newcastle for years. with a cafe!’

i now see this as PROOF, were it needed of their obvious ploy to takeover the world. with your help! 😉

and they’re in london! thats quite far, what you say, sir?


I say that Sean doesn’t understand lying for comic effect. I’m looking forward to his letters to Monty Python bemoaning the inaccuracy of their Camelot set…