Everything Sounds Like Coldplay Now

Everything Sounds Like Coldplay Now

Courtesy of Mr. Paul Sellars:

Everything Sounds Like Coldplay Now

I was listening, thinking, this is a bit dull. Then I realised it couldn’t help but be dull if it’s pastiching Coldplay. Worth bearing with for the last verse about Keane and Thirteen Senses.

Where I would disagree is that not everything sounds like Coldplay. Absolute mainstream chart schmindie (also known as “music for people who don’t really like music but like to pop and buy 2 albums every year from HMV on their lunch breaks”) does, yep.

But then you have the slew of jagged, Gang of Four copyists. Or The Killers / Bravery forever trying to re-create ‘Careless Memories’ and failing miserably. This is balanced by everyone else “alternative” singing in that quavering post-emo, post-Bright Eyes manner. Bound to get worse now The Arcade Fire are supporting U2 and sponsored by Nike or whatever.

I’m sure Coldplay themselves are pissed-off with how much their ponderous indie style has been bitten. They seem like lovely blokes in all the interviews so I don’t wish them any ill, I just don’t like the music they make. In fact, here’s a friendly offer: for you next album, lads, get me in to produce it and I’ll guarantee no-one likes or buys it. We’ll take out all those catchy melodies you write, all the anthemic, poetic lyrics and replace them with SHARDS of challenging post-rock noise, y’know, really cutting-edge experimentalism, fit for a feature in The Wire. You’ll have total underground indie cred and zero sales. We’ll release it just on MiniDisc and DCC.

You can’t say fairer than that, can you?