Tom Hurndall

I found an article tonight, after I got back from clubbing. It was near the bottom of The Independent’s website. I checked all the other news websites but didn’t find it reported elsewhere. Nor has it been on any TV news I’ve seen in the past two hours. Here’s an excerpt from the article:

“A British student left brain dead after being shot by an Israeli soldier is set to have his life support machine switched off. Tom Hurndall, 22, is in a permanent vegetative state after he was shot six months ago while taking photographs during a trip to the West Bank.” (Danielle Demetriou, The Independent)

I’ve heard Tom’s relatives speak twice at the anti-war rallies in Trafalgar Square. They painted a picture of a sensitive, passionate lad who was determined to do his best to document the hell of the West Bank.

I’m not writing this because his life is any more important than that of the civilians or soldiers dying every day in the West Bank and Iraq. I’m writing it because Tom’s actions have touched me and I’ve been following his progress. And because I am anti-war.

It’s clear there are plenty of people in the world who are pro-war. They can call themselves Republicans or Marxists, Muslims or Jews, it really makes little difference. Labels are the essence here, nothing more. Unless you label yourself, how can you label your enemy? All these labels may seem vastly different but what they seek is the same: the rule of terror. Whether it’s the individual terror of plastic explosives strapped to a teenager or the state terror of the Israeli army, shooting photographers and bulldozing pacifists. It’s all the same, it’s all war.

It’s a state of mind. It’s when your ideological enemies cease to be people. They become things, fleshy obstacles to your plans. You have to get rid of these things.

Perhaps you’ll round up millions of these things in camps and gas them. Perhaps you’ll fly airplanes into skyscrapers teeming with these things. Perhaps, if you’re a very respectable, civilised nation like the USA or UK, you’ll bomb and maim these things to the extent that experienced Red Cross workers are shocked into nausea at the sight of their torn remnants.

It’s all the same, it’s all war. And you’re not killing people are you, just things. Nameless, faceless: enemies. War is a psychopath, a dis-connected monster unable to recognise humanity. It’s the flag-waving lunatic behind such calm phrases as “pre-emptive attack” , “collateral damage” and “final solution.”

Every day now, we hear the reports of more deaths in Iraq or Israel. Of yet more people blown into pieces by other people. Very soon now, we will become bored of this parade of death. We will become inured to the tragedy, unable to recognise the humanity of the victims.

The more righteous of us, guided by having God whisper in their ear, may even begin to write-off the casualties as being evil terrorists or evil soldiers. Even those who care passionately will become bludgeoned into de-sensitisation. I suspect this detachment is a basic human coping mechanism. We do it so the truth doesn’t send us mad.

But perhaps we should go slightly mad. Would it be insane to visualise the family of every American soldier killed, to hear the cries of the children of every Palestinian shot by the Israeli forces? To make these destroyed things back into real, living humans in our minds. To re-humanise the de-humanised.

And then, maybe, we won’t be able to kill so easily, so very quickly any more. And people like Tom Hurndall would be out with friends, nightclubbing.

Bless Playlist 27-10-2003

Hmmm…bit of a weird night tonight. First, I got loads of requests for stuff I played last week. Which is good, cos it means people are enjoying it but I don’t really want to play the same songs every week. The playlist looks a bit samey to me because of that. I do like Throwdown and Fugazi but I don’t want to have to play them every week like clockwork. At least I managed to get away with not playing any ATDI or Mars Volta this week.

It was also a bit weird tonight because it emptied out sooner than normal. I’d assume it was because of the cacophony I was playing but I had groups of people staying till the very end, stomping along and making requests: it was more the crowd who aren’t that much into the music. Perhaps they were all feeling peaky. There’s a lot of it about.

Finally managed to play some Soft Pink Truth, M83 and Mouse On Mars. I’ve got to try and squeeze more electronic music in because when I do, it goes down well. The best reaction I got tonight was when I played the old Fischerspooner single. I had three people coming up saying they loved it and two people asking who it was. So, note to self: wedge more electronic stuff in next week. Can’t believe I went out without even one DAT Politics track! Ohhhh, the shame….

Anyway, here’s what I played:

Refused – New Noise.mp3
Swollen Members – Watch This.mp3
Russian Futurists – precious.mp3
Mouse on Mars – 06 – doit.mp3
186,The Meters – Cissy Strut
151,System of a Down – Suite-Pee
326,Non-Prophets – Hey Bobby
64,Sludgefeast – rock’n’roll
173,Various Artists – Get Up Kids – Red Letter Day
200,Serge Gainsbourg – Soixante neuf annee erotique
273,MC Solaar – Nouveau western
259,Cable – God gave me gravity
262,Soft Pink Truth – PromoFunk
226,Saves The Day – Freakish
182,Throwdown – RaiseYourFist
321,Afrika Bambaaata – Planet Rock
247,Thursday – Cross Out The Eyes
54,[Bessie Jones] – Sometimes
183,Minus The Bear – Spritz!!! Spritz!!!
288,Fischerspooner – Emerge
244,Nas – Get Down
162,Fugazi – Facet Squared
298,Ben Folds – Rockin’ the Suburbs
210,AC/DC – You Shook Me All Night Long
297,M83 – Slowly
180,Modest Mouse – Paper Thin Walls
68,Minutemen – Shit You Hear At Parties
244,Jonathan Richman + The Modern – Roadrunner
256,[Cymande] – The Message
226,Money Mark – Hand In Your Head
258,Jungle Brothers – Doin’ our own dang
174,Various Artists – Skinhead Moonstomp – Simaryp
200,Various – Just Dropped In – Kenny Rogers & The First Edition
55,Minor Threat – Small man, big mouth
204,Yo La Tengo – Speeding Motorcycle
268,Notwist – Pilot

George Galloway – Expelled For Telling The Truth

George Galloway joined the Labour Party at the age of thirteen. He has fought for the principles of Labour for 36 years.

Today he was expelled from the Labour Party. Why? There were five charges levelled at Galloway, here’s the main one:

‘The Labour party chairman, Ian McCartney, said: “The NCC is a body that is fierce in its independence.

“Its deliberations came in direct response to an unprecedented number of complaints from party members and members of the public.

“The issue here is a very simple one. George Galloway incited foreign forces to rise up against British troops at a time when they were risking their lives.

“He was the only Labour MP to do this and he has never taken back or apologised for these comments.

“Any reasonable person would have been disgusted by this incitement and I believe the NCC reached the right verdict today.” (Source: The Guardian)

So Galloway incited Arabs to rise up and fight British forces? That’s not what Galloway maintains. He instead was urging Arab nations to form a cohesive oil embargo against the Western agressors:

“Examination of the TV transcript shows Galloway in fact ruled out Arab military resistance, but floated an oil embargo instead. And of course illegal orders have, since Nuremberg, to be disobeyed as a matter of law. So Labour officials later came up with two extra charges: that Galloway warned MPs they could lose votes if they backed the war and congratulated a councillor elected to Preston council on an anti-war ticket.” (Seamus Milne, The Guardian)

The ‘illegal orders’ part refers to the charge that Galloway encouraged British soldiers not to follow illegal orders. Perfectly moral and legal, which is perhaps why this statement befuddled the current coterie of murderers and child-maimers who lead New Labour.

Is it just me who feels like screaming hysterically at this development?

George Galloway is expelled from the Labout party for possibly saying something bad.

Tony Blair, who sits on top of a pile of Iraqi dead that now numbers at least ten thousand (and growing everyday), receives world plaudits and fawning coverage of his tachycardia on the BBC.

One – perhaps a bigmouth: expelled.

The other – someone who’s ordered the murder of thousands of civilians, men, women and children: nothing.

Instead, evey day we see Blair on telly, smiling and waving, proud of blowing small children into ragged strips of flesh. He’s more than that, he’s righteously bullish at the way we cluster-bombed a non-agressor nation, guaranteeing that the civilians we didn’t kill outright were maimed beyond hope. Do you remember when Blair’s SS-assistant Geoff Hoon claimed in a radio interview that Iraqi mothers would, in the future, thank the UK for killing their children? I do. It appears the cocksucking British media don’t.

Even though the mainstream media is what brought me the news of Galloway’s expulsion, every chance they get to nail Blair, they pull back. What are they scared of? Can they not see that they are as complicit in the atrocity committed against Iraq as the yellow US media were in the ’60s when America invaded Vietnam?

Why is the mainstream media not hounding Blair and the other murderers-in-residence of New Labour? Do those thousands of Iraqi lives not matter? Was it all a fucking dream?

Silly me! It’s far more important what fucking haircut Beckham’s got this week, innit? Only nutters go on about Iraq, innit? After all, it’s all over now – what’s the point of going on about it?

Who cares about the war? Who cares about truth or justice or a man like George Galloway, eaten up and spat out by the monster called Tony Blair?

Isn’t that Alex from Fame Academy brilliant?

Bless Playlist 20-10-2003

I was very pleased with the turnout and response tonight. Instead of getting normal requests for mainstream chart stuff like The Strokes or The White Stripes, I got requests from one lad for Ugly Casanova and Modest Mouse.

I also chatted to a girl in the Blue Note afterwards who said she loved the night and looked forward to hearing new music. All very encouraging!

So – people do like hearing new music, despite what mainstream club promoters may think. I think of the half-empty club nights I’ve been to and I know in my heart it’s because all the “indie” clubs are chasing the same audience, which is a mainstream, student, NME/Amp demographic.

Perhaps if someone stuck their neck out and had a night playing different music from the norm, it might get some of the more obsessive music lovers out. I know I’d love to go to something like that.

05 – I Lost My Heart In Reykjavik – Felix Kubin – Jet Lag Disco.mp3
The Distillers – City Of Angels.mp3
04 – Three Basics – Lightyear – Call Of The Weasel Clan.mp3
Bane – give blood – 02 – Some Came Running.mp3
07_No escapin’ this_The Beatnuts_Take it or squeeze it.mp3
death cab for cutie – Photobooth.mp3
At The Drive In – Rolodex Propaganda.mp3
11_Where Did Our Love Go-_Soft Cell_Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret.mp3
05_Big Train – Max Greger & his Orchestra_DJ Kaminsky_iN FLi.mp3
American Football – Never Meant.mp3
16 – The Flying Lizards – Money (That’s What I Want).mp3
05 – Winners – Bobby Conn – The Golden Age.mp3
20_Train to Skaville – The Ethiopians_Various Artists_20 Regg.mp3
08 Minus The Bear – spritz!!! spritz!!!.mp3
178,Hatebreed – I Will Be Heard
239,Camp Lo – Luchini (a.k.a. This Is It)
169,Queen – You’re My Best Friend
180,Cursive – Making Friends and Acquaintances
01_Propagandhi – Anti Manifesto.mp3
137,Various Artists – The Four Seasons – Walk Like A Man
218,Four Tet – No More Mosquitoes
254,Billy Talent – Try Honesty
215,Tears For Fears – Mad World
248,Grandaddy – Now It’s On
240,Brand Nubian – The Return
197,Bad Religion – American Jesus
161,Aden – Matinee Idol
178,Gang Starr – The Ownerz
198,Bowie – Queen Bitch
263,The Mars Volta – Inertiatic Esp
137,Various – Gopher Mambo – Yma Sumac
356,The James Taylor Quartet – Theme from Starsky and Hutch
128,all girl summer fun band – tour heart throb
55,Minor Threat – Small man, big mouth
309,Black Eyed Peas – Fallin’ Up
325,Funkstorung – Bjork ‘All Is Full Of Love (In Love with Funkstorung Remix)’
142,Magnetic Fields – I Don’t Want to Get Over You
203,Ben Folds Five – Army
171,Leonard Nimoy – ruby don’t take your love to town
132,Jonathan Richman – Back In Your Life
218,Johnny Cash – Hurt

Autumn Colours

There’s been some beautiful sunshine lately. Although it’s getting colder, the light has been very clear, making the colours of autumn shine. I like trying to couple these colours with a bright, blue, almost summery looking sky.

The general russetness also suited a quick snap of my mate Martin who popped round, since he’s generally quite russet himself.

Click here for the photos

DJing at the Bless!

I’m currently DJing every Monday evening at the Blessington Carriage Pub in Derby. I’m on from 9.30 – 11.30 and play a varied set. My general rule of thumb is that I don’t play anything currently in the charts. I also try to steer clear of tracks that are (over)played in other venues.

Basically, I want to expose people to new music, both new new (as in just released) and old new (most people aren’t familiar with Al Bowlly).

I can do this at the Bless because, firstly, I don’t have to keep a dancefloor filled. So I can take more risks and play a broader range of genres. Secondly, the management is very sympathetic to my idiosyncratic DJing perspective.

I do take requests and play them, if I’ve got the tracks. Currently, the most requested band is Thursday and I’m happy to play them because, as far as I know, they’re not played elsewhere in Derby. But once they are, there’ll be no point me playing them any more.

What I’m trying to promote is a culture of interest in the unknown. This is just cos I get fed up going out and knowing every single track/band that I hear. I’d personally love to go to a night where I didn’t know 90% of the music. I find it depressing that a lot of people just want to hear the same tiny micro-genres over and over again, whether it’s hyper-obscure emo, “underground” hip hop or mainstream corporate rock like the White Stripes. I mix things up because I get bored of hearing just the one bloody genre. Where’s the light and shade? I blame the themed music channels for the narrowing of people’s tastes: nowadays you can just sit in front of Scuzz or MTV Base and be assured of never being surprised.

On the other hand, I love pop music because pop isn’t a genre, it’s the best stuff across all genres. I do pop DJing. I shan’t be sticking on 12-minute prog epics purely because I find them boring. So, I’m not playing deliberately obscure or hard to listen to kind of stuff – I’m convinced all the tracks I play are very poppy. Indeed, some of them are famous pop hits from the past.

These well-known songs aren’t included for any kitsch value, I genuinely love them. If you hear me playing Abba, it won’t be because I think they’re “cheesy”, it’ll be because I think they were a great pop band. Only wankers like music “ironically.” There is no ‘it’s so cheesy it’s good.’ That’s a bullshit excuse for people worried about how cool they appear to their mates.

Below, I’ve posted the playlists from the previous two weeks. I didn’t remember to save the first week, sadly. The playlists are pretty much direct exports from WinAmp, I’ve just tidied up the paths a bit.

So, if you like the look of what I’m playing, pop along! Hell, you may think what I play is shit but at least it’s different shit.

Bless Playlist 13/10/2003

266,Slum Village – Tainted
230,Weakerthans – Anchorless
142,Magnetic Fields – I Don’t Want to Get Over You
296,The Pharcyde – Runnin’
254,Billy Talent – Try Honesty
277,Ladytron – seventeen
347,Towa Tei – Technova (La Em Copacabana)
75,Man Or Astro Man- – Green-Blooded Love
174,Lemonheads, The – Hospital
215,Thursday – I Am The Killer
194,EPMD – Pioneers
182,Throwdown – RaiseYourFist
210,AC/DC – You Shook Me All Night Long
357,Sonic Youth – Sugar Kane
253,Nas – I Can
256,Pavement – Grave Architecture
263,The Mars Volta – Inertiatic Esp
152,Various Artists – 007 (Shanty Town) – Desmond Dekker & The Aces
87,Minor Threat – Minor Threat
395,Boards of Canada – telephasic workshop
170,Death Cab for Cutie – I Was a Kaleidoscope
240,The Average White Band – Pick Up The Pieces
227,Various – capsule – le salon
135,Robert Mellin & Gian Pieri Reverberi – Main Theme
225,Ludacris – Stand Up (Dirty)[1] 265,LEN – Steal My Sunshine
187,Less Than Jake – The Science of Selling Yourself Short
245,The Human League – The Sound Of The Crowd
182,Dead Kennedys – California Uber Alles
256,Various Artists – I Am A Man Of Constant Sorrow
300,Postal Service – We Will Become Silhouettes
225,Gang Starr – Same Team, No Games feat. NYG’z & H. Stax
165,Jonathan Richman – The neighbors
534,Kraftwerk – Neon Lights

Smoking – The Essence of Capitalism

I’m watching the suave, dapper figure of Martin Broughton, Chairman of British American Tobacco (BAT). He’s speaking on The Money Programme, covering the resurgence of the tobacco industry. His smooth, plummy tones perfectly suit a top gangster, someone who’s helped addict millions of people to the most harmful drug in the world. Capone and Siegel would be envious of this man’s calm cheeriness, chatting happily about how efficiently he peddles death, disease and despair. He’s a stone killer.

An industry analyst was on earlier, reporting that investing in these killer companies is always a winning move. He went so far as to say it’s difficult to ever lose money. Unaffected by the dot com bust and general tech-based shakiness, shares in companies like BAT have gone from strength to strength.

But this is concurrent with many Western countries bringing in harsher anti-smoking legislation. New York has recently outlawed smoking in public, which of course includes the city’s bars. Smokers, feeling ever more tightly squeezed, have formed their own reactionary group, Ban The Can, to have the law repealed. Their posters look very glossy and well-designed… I wonder who’s funding them?

Earlier, the programme showed a group of smokers huddled outside a bar, bitching in that logic-challenged way that junkies do:

“What happened to being a free country? Where’s my freedom to smoke?”
Where’s my freedom to not inhale your carcinogens, you selfish moron?

The “freedom to smoke” argument is the most asinine argument of all. This is equivalent to a thug saying, “I love hitting people! Why are they trying to outlaw me hitting people! Where’s my freedom to punch? I thought I lived in America not some goddamn commie pinko fag country?”

Get this through your microbrains, smoking advocates: your cigarette smoke is a proven carcinogen, smoke if you want to but keep it away from me. I have no problem whatsoever with smoking as a personal activity. In fact, I oppose any move towards prohibition of tobacco or alcohol. As far as I’m concerned, smokers can smoke themselves to black lung hell in the privacy of their own homes, it’s their own bodies. But when they damage my health because they’re feeding their ridiculous addiction, that’s a morally indefensible action.

“They’re persecuting us, we’re like a persecuted minority!”
Oh yeah – cos people are born smoking, aren’t they, the same as being born black or disabled? They have no control over starting to smoke, it was a totally involuntary action. Please…

If smokers think an action being outlawed is equivalent to racism, sexism or homophobia then that only displays the low level of their discourse. A smoker can sit in a no-smoking section of a restaurant with absolutely no problem. They won’t get beaten to death by cops or bombed by the Klan. The person is not being barred from anywhere. However, if they choose to start injuring their fellow diners with the fumes from their foul cancer sticks, then they should be ejected. Their smoking is exactly the same as if a patron started stabbing other diners in the arm with their knife. I wait to be corrected on this by the ‘Freedom To Stab’ pressure group, sponsored by cutlery manufacturers…

I admit this rant is personally motivated. Being a musician and DJ, I’ve been gigging in smoky clubs and pubs since 1982. That’s twenty-one years of inhaling other people’s shitty smoke. Twenty-one years of my lungs being damaged for no reason other than the selfishness of a socially and legally accepted group of drug addicts. I know this will have affected my health. Last week, I had my first asthma attack and I now have an inhaler.

Thank you smokers, you absolute cunts.

What makes people think they have the right to do exactly as they please, regardless of other people? To get drunk and then drive home, not caring whose lives they take? To smoke in public spaces, spreading their killer fumes far and wide, totally unconcerned for the effect on others? In other words, what makes people into model capitalists? Fuck you – I want to do this! Like Britney Spears lighting up in that non-smoking club, they believe the entire fucking world revolves around them.

Smoking is the nipple of capitalism. People get hooked by the fake dangerousness of being a child smoker. They get seduced into the notion of rebellion through consumption, liberation through buying shit. And not just any shit – this is stuff that’ll rot your lungs, explode your heart and whittle your body away as it blocks your blood vessels.

Smoking – once you’ve swallowed that huge, smelly, capitalist turd, you’ll swallow any shit. You’ll do any kind of menial labour to support the habits you’ve cultivated, to support your “lifestyle”, your designer labels, designer trainers, designer drinks, designer cigarettes. Your stupid fucking mullet. Why do you consume these things? Because everyone does! Who wants to be a weirdo, eh?

Smoking is the triumph of capitalism. It is the pinnacle of marketing, the acme of advertising. Here we have a product that gives you cancer, costs a ton and is also taxed to hell. And yet, smokers have been so brainwashed that they still think it’s a mark of coolness, makes them different and dangerous. They’ll scrabble the money together to satisfy their habit, to feed the monster that’s going to eat their lungs and leave them dying early, wracked in agony.

Cool? No, it’s a huge, flaming sign that you’re a dimwit. You’re paying a huge amount to buy a product that’s killing you.

Martin Broughton is immensely excited because his company’s profits are soaring. So what if smoking is under attack in the West? He’s got the fertile vistas of China ahead of him. He’s calmly confident that as China’s stillborn socialism fractures into capitalism, the Western tobacco companies will move in, just as they did when the USSR collapsed.

This is the essence of capitalism: it doesn’t care about anything but profit. Arms companies point at the jobs that would be lost if restrictive arms treaties were to be passed. Who cares about the children blown to bits by their products – they’ve got to maintain their profits! Tobacco companies target developing countries with huge advertising and marketing campaigns, selling smoking as a sophisticated, glamorous Western activity (ironic, since it’s rightly becoming anathema in the West). Who cares about the health of the people they bombard with their deceptive marketing – profit uber alles!

I’m in a split state of mind: half of me hates smokers for the injury they do me everytime I go out. I was out at a club last night and my eyes were stinging from the smoke, I left early it was so bad. The other half of me pities smokers.

They are addicts, to an immensely, powerfully addictive drug. Yes, they have some personal responsibility but most smokers were hooked as teens or even younger. The blame here has to rest with the tobacco companies and the way they circumvent anti-advertising laws, partially through sports sponsorship. They ensure that children are fully “brand-aware”, to use the language that the soulless marketing droids prefer.

Once you’re an addict, you’ll protect your habit. You’ll jump through amazingly illogical hoops to defend your irrational behaviour. You’ll try to make it sound like a shining beacon of maverick selfhood, a totem of energised individuality. Alcoholics romanticise pissing blood and poisoning their livers. Smokers pretend to find cancer and pain funny – it’s us dull non-smokers who don’t get the joke. They laugh at the ever-growing warnings on the packets. But when the cancer finally hits them then, like Bill Hicks, they’re not laughing.

Going beyond the macro, into the micro – why do informed, educated adults continue to smoke? This isn’t aimed at people who’ve tried to quit and physically couldn’t. I believe there should be greater government funding and resources to help nicotine addicts. It would undoubtedly save the NHS money in the long run, prevention being hugely cheaper than cure. After all, who expects a heroin addict to just quit one day, with no help whatsoever?

It’s the smokers who never try to quit who puzzle me. Well, till I had the following thought…

Smoking is a gross form of self-harm. Think of the most troubled and abandoned self-harming person you’ve ever known. Someone you worried about deeply. Well, the average smoker is a thousand times more self-harming than that person. I’m not belittling cuts on the arms and legs: anyone doing that shit to themselves needs professional care and understanding. But, eventually, with that kind of help, those cuts will heal and no long-term physical health damage will be done. That person can go on to live a long and happy life, provided people take them seriously and help them when they need it.

But the self-harming smoker? Well, no-one believes there’s a problem there in the first place. So nothing is done. But I maintain that if you’re determinedly trying to give yourself cancer, there must be something going on inside you, you must have some kind of serious self-esteem issue. Why else would you carry on sucking down that filth if you know what it’s doing to you?

I repeat, addicts need help and treatment. If we think heroin and cocaine addicts are worthy of serious treatment, why aren’t smokers? At the same time, I don’t believe a smack addict has the moral right to mug me to feed his habit, just as I don’t believe a nicotine addict has the right to assault me with his smoke because he can’t quit. I don’t want to get cancer because of his poor judgement.

Smoking and drinking are the two most important drugs to refuse and resist. The other ones, weed, E, meth, LSD, etcetera are bad but they’re inconsequential compared to the huge user base for the first two. Let me explain why I think they’re the most pernicious.

We’re all tied to capitalism. Socialism in one person is as impossible as Stalin’s socialism in one country. We have to live, we need food, water, shelter. To get these, we have to sell our labour, we’re chained.

But it seems absurd to manufacture extra links for your chains.

Say you drink two or three pints a day, lots more at weekends. Let’s make that £7 a day. And you smoke 40+ a day, that’s, say £8. That’s £15 a day you spend on killing yourself. £105 a week you spend on shortening your life and making it as full of ill-health and pain as possible. £1260 a year to ensure a miserable old age (or no old age at all).

If you have these spending habits, you can’t afford to be picky. You’ll set yourself lower standards for work because you need the money so much. These addictions are monkeys on your back, their claws are sunk into your flesh and emptying your wallet. You’re hooked on being hooked. You’re an addict to addiction. You’re the perfect worker, an obedient, fearful cog in the machine.

Every weekend you’ll get pissed/stoned and rail impotently at your work and your bosses, whilst smoking even more and spending even more of your hard-earned wage-slave scratchings on pointless shit. You’ll have, as Martin Gore put it, “a black celebration, to celebrate the fact that we’ve seen the back of another black day.”

You’ll suck down those cigarettes, you need them so badly, you’ll guzzle that soma, sucking the bottle dry. You’ll shout at the sky, you’ll slamdance to Rage Against The Machine, venting your frustration at your shitty job and tiny life.

But on Monday morning you’ll be back at work. Docile, obedient. Like a junkie waiting for his man.

(Please click here for more information about BAT’s un-ethical practices)