Baby Dinosaur

I just had a proper Abe Simpson hypernap and…

…I had a pet diplodocus! Like this:

but around 45cm long.

Diplo was wearing lil woollen knitted jimjams to keep him warm so I very gently turned him onto his back in order to access his belly for rubs by. He very much appreciated this, making high trilling sounds and vibrating his tail. His teeny-tiny eyes were sparkling with joy!

I got very concerned whether I’d been underwatering him but checked his bowl and there was still plenty of water in there.

He loved me very much and clearly loved being fussed and petted.

I’ll miss him.

The Best TV Shows Ever

At the minute, this is a bare list. If I ever have time, I’ll flesh it out with them new-fangled hyperlinks and maybe an under construction gif.

Ladies and genitals:

BEST TV EVER LIST 2021

  1. Halt And Catch Fire
  2. Columbo
  3. Star Trek
  4. The Good Place
  5. Futurama
  6. The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin
  7. The Guardian
  8. Carnival Row
  9. The Day Today
  10. Travellers
  11. Stargate SG-1
  12. The X Files
  13. Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles
  14. The Order
  15. Falling Skies
  16. Da Vinci’s Demons
  17. Skins
  18. Smack The Pony
  19. Continuum
  20. The Fast Show
  21. The Expanse
  22. Farscape
  23. Star Trek: The Next Generation
  24. Popular
  25. The Mandalorian
  26. Porridge
  27. Adventure Time
  28. The Twilight Zone
  29. The Simpsons
  30. Poirot
  31. Battlestar Galactica
  32. Humans
  33. Billions
  34. The Wire
  35. MASH
  36. Firefly
  37. Westworld
  38. True Blood
  39. The Witcher
  40. Elementary
  41. Ripper Street
  42. Doctor Who
  43. Terror In Resonance
  44. The Waltons
  45. Sherlock
  46. Krypton
  47. Jekyll And Hyde
  48. Veronica Mars
  49. Black Mirror
  50. Space 1999
  51. iZombie
  52. Magnum PI
  53. Kolchak: The Night Stalker
  54. Moonlighting
  55. Quatermass
  56. Queer As Folk
  57. The Wonder Years
  58. St. Elsewhere
  59. Fringe
  60. Game Of Thrones
  61. Silicon Valley
  62. Gotham
  63. Grimm
  64. The Closer
  65. Gilbert’s Fridge
  66. Ed
  67. The Invaders
  68. Murdoch Mysteries
  69. Orphan Black
  70. The Outer Limits
  71. The Six Million Dollar Man
  72. Major Crimes
  73. Joe 90
  74. Happy Days
  75. Hawaii Five-Oh
  76. Soap
  77. Earth 2
  78. Hill Street Blues
  79. Defiance
  80. The Prisoner
  81. Sense 8
  82. House Of Cards
  83. The Muppet Show
  84. Spaced
  85. Pushing Up Daisies
  86. Rhoda
  87. Star Trek: The Animated Series
  88. Buffy The Vampire Slayer
  89. Red Dwarf
  90. The Rockford Files
  91. Big Train
  92. Reaper
  93. Dark Matter
  94. Community
  95. Dead Like Me
  96. Cheers
  97. The 4400
  98. Petrocelli
  99. Siren
  100. Buck Rogers In The 25th Century

Last Ever Palfrey

Last Ever Palfrey
The Palfrey has long been one of my fave eating places in Derby. I popped in the other week while I was in town getting some snaps off Iyisha.

Tom, the head honcho, was at work and told me the whole business is moving out of town.

I felt quite sad, don’t know why. They’re not closing, just re-locating.

I guess it’s because it feels like another nail in the coffin of Derby’s city centre shopping/dining culture.

BUT it’s not shutting… just moving! STAY POSITIVE!

BILLY CORGAN AND HIS MASSIVE ORGAN

Is there anything funnier than the petulant pettiness of pet rockstars? I watched this earlier:

After I finished giggling at two grown men essentially saying the other smelt of pooh, I pondered something I’ve thought for years.

Why isn’t there a Viz strip about Billy Corgan?

In particular, I always thought there should have been a Viz strip called BILLY CORGAN AND HIS MASSIVE ORGAN.

it would be Billy in various inappropriate situations saying, “I’m GONNA WHIP MY MASSIVE ORGAN OUT!”

And then the next panel would be him sat at a huge church organ and everyone being relieved / disappointed.

Will someone, anyone, make my dreams come true?

The Curse Of Atemporality In Tech-Saturated Late-Capitalist Cultures

Consider…

… the sea of muddy kids in the crowd, a sea in movement as well as density. So many humans, packed into a small space together, bobbing around every which way. Shit-eating grins, sodden jumpers.

And not one phone in sight.

Don’t worry, this isn’t some Back To The Land, Look Up-type post, entreating that we should all abandon our tech, wear waistcoats made out of rabbit skin and change our names to Oliver and Jeremy.

I love technology. To a large degree, I am technology, if you factor in the various systems that interweave with my life, like vaccines and Wikipedia, that produce a human utterly unlike any human three hundred years ago.

Also, I’m not saying those kids would eschew waving their mobiles around if they’d had the chance to have modern tech back then. They would have loved smartphones as much as we do now. As much as I do since I was a kid back then.

But the lack of opportunity forced those audiences to be totally in the moment. They’re watching the band play with their own eyes, not looking at a tiny screen and trying to figure out how best to frame the action.

Contrast that with a modern gig which is most often a forest of hands held up not in tribute but in video capture. The audience are not in the NOW of the gig because they are too concerned with the FUTURE video/pics of the gig. They have become atemporal.

This moment, this instant you’re reading these words will never happen again. It’s here, it’s gone. Poof!

Did you make the most of it? DID YOU TAKE A PIC? FOR GOD’S SAKE, WHERE IS THE PIC??

If the now you inhabit is merely a film set on which you construct media for a future audience to consume, that leaches meaning from that now.

You’re at a gig, you think, ‘This is brilliant, I need to take some video, show off how great it is.’ The instant you get your phone out and start taking video, you ruin the gig for yourself as you’re not actually immersed in the gig anymore, you’re immersed in getting the footage. And when you re-watch the gig footage or see how many likes you’ve got, does that give you the feelings back that it destroyed in manufacture? Of course it doesn’t.

Now, obviously, there are exceptions; wedding photos, a five-second video of your child’s first step. I’m not saying any vid or pic is a gateway to atemporal dysthymia. Like everything, there’s a spectrum here.

But if you look around, you’ll see atemporality draining the mana of the instant in many different areas of your life. As a musician, I sit staring at a digital audio workstation screen on my Mac. This contains a piano-roll type display of my song such that I can see what parts are coming when, what’s playing now and what’s played in the past. The temptation here is to listen atemporally, to not listen at all but look-listen.

If I switch my monitor off, I am back in the instant of the music, in the NOW. That break that I thought was cool is actually kind of weak, it just looked good.

Of course, we can drift into atemporality all by ourselves, no tech needed. We can lie in bed obsessing about past conversations and how they should have gone. We can sabotage relationship after relationship in the hope that we’ll meet the perfect paramour just the day after tomorrow. We can imprison ourselves by worrying what might happen if we are bold when, rationally, we know we are perfectly safe.

However, today’s tech is both fidget spinner and magic mirror. At the party, when we’re awkward, we can pretend to check our phone. Or we can take a picture that will hopefully provide later validation of our cuteness/craziness. All of this is a distraction from the now, a small destruction of the now.

Enbies, ladies and gentlemans, I present to you

Mishra’s Ironic Inverse Presence Law:

The more pictures or vids you take at an event, the more you weren’t truly there.

Source: Me, just now

Imagine this: you’re with someone you’ve fancied for a while. They’re close to you. Their hand brushes your shoulder, your face. You smile at them and gaze into their eyes. They get closer. Their mouth is nearly brushing yours, you can feel the heat from their lips….

AND YOU STOP AND SAY – ‘Hold up, dawg, I just want to get a picture of our first ever kiss!’ Then you spend five minutes staging and posing until you get something that looks “real.”

I repeat, I am not saying throw your phones away, bring back the carrier pigeon.

All I’m saying is that sometimes it’s better to make memories than make TikToks.